Lately I have been obsessing about my newest marathon PR...
This obsession has made me think about my friend Mike. He was 60 years old before he died and in just a few short years, he was able to go from a 5 hour marathoner to a Boston qualifier, with a PR of 3:38 and change. An amazing feat for any runner, much less someone who was approaching what most would consider old age.
His accomplishments have inspired me to do more with myself. He was able to prove not only to himself, but also to others, that just because you are older, you can still do great things with your life. As I near 50, I am also beginning to realize that life is short, and opportunities pass with each day and waiting for life to happen can sometimes cause you to miss the boat all together.
I almost missed the boat once because I waited so long to run my first marathon.
I was 44 when I bit that bullet. It was always on my bucket list but tomorrow always took precedence over today and each year that passed I kept convincing myself that this would be the "year" that I would do one. Well one year turned to 5, then 10, then 15 before it finally happened for me.
Funny how life works. Why do we always seem to put things on the back burner until we are too old to get off the couch? At least I am grateful that I was able to get off the couch for that marathon. Getting on that boat so to speak, made me angry that I waited so long. I was happy I finally did it but also regretful that I was 44 by the time I did. The positive thing was that once I did that first marathon, I wanted to do more and more. I did not stop at one.
This last year after Mike's death, I almost feel his presence when I run. I know that sounds kind of weird (and I am not a spiritual person) but I do feel him pushing me along. I can almost hear him telling me that I can do better if only I tried just a little harder. Over the last year I have managed to meet my goal of breaking a 2 hour half marathon with a 1:58. Not a huge accomplishment for most, but it amazed me that I was able to do it. I had been running those damn races at about a 2:20 for the last 10 years. So why now? Something was happening to me. I do know that watching him leave this earth has left an indelible mark on my soul. It changed me forever. I have never been able to look at life the same after his death. Now I look at everything as if I only have a small moment of time left. Maybe in a way this was his gift to me? The gift of knowing that you are only on this planet for a short time so make the most of it.
I know Mike must have thought about this a lot. I often wondered if he had some regrets or demons in his closet from his past. Maybe that is why he tried so hard at his age, taking back the time he lost or wasted on his own foolish youthfulness. Who knows, I will never know because he never told me. I just always suspected it.
I often wish he was still here if not for anything but my own selfish reasons. I could show him that I have been able to do it, like him, I have been getting older and faster. He always had more faith in me then I did in myself. I have saved all of his chats and emails because I cannot seem to let him go. His words, his quirky style. I find myself reading them from time to time just so I can feel like he is really still with me, around to give me a high 5 after I finish a race well behind him.
Here is one I read the other day. It was about pushing myself into a faster pace group:
Me: I am trying to talk Nikki and Lisa into moving up in group, maybe 4:10
Michael: u no way u r a 4:00
Me: U think? Maybe i need to ditch the slacker ways....
Michael: nope not unless its more fun but u can
Me: true... see how things go. I would like to do speedwork again this year k.... off to gym. Send me info on that race. TTYLS
Michael: i have never seen u sweat...u seem like u're not ever pushing it.... lol bye
I do a lot of races, and have completed over 50 or more, but my times have been pretty much the same for the last 4-5 years. Not much of an improvement until my last marathon, a huge PR for me, 17 minutes faster to finish with a 4:12 and change.
Another 17 minutes would get me to a BQ, I would need 3:55 for that to happen.
My friend Nikki told me I should try and BQ, "Why not?" She said. But I said "Yea but then what if I get all psycho and stop enjoying it?" she said "Yea, that could happen, but so what? Think about it, it would only be for a year or so, you should go for it Chris!"
Life is short, a year is the sacrifice I would need to take, even then there are no guarantees that I could even do it, but what if I never took the chance at all? Then what? Would I be OK with that decision 10 or 20 years down the road when perhaps I am too old to care or would I have that huge regret...that shoulda, coulda, woulda moment?
I know it was not an easy road for Mike to take, I know he made a lot of sacrifices, but he was able to prove to himself that he could do it. I know that at least with that, the one small regret, he did not have, the one that said "See I told you so! You did it! You are an amazing runner dude!"
Maybe I can do it too? Which way to turn, decisions, decisions.... my boat awaits.
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