But today is Thanksgiving, I needed to not focus on those little things, I needed to feel gratitude and focus on how great life is, so why was I was not feeling it?
No time for that, I needed to cook dinner, we were having company.
My husband invited a friend and his wife over this year, a friend that he grew up with in New York. This friend and my husband lost touch with each other for about 20 years, but then through a mutual friend were able to reconnect with each other via Facebook. Come to find out, for the past 20 years or so, this friend has only lived about 15 minutes from us in Englewood, Colorado.
Strange how life works.
I had never met them, and only knew bits and pieces about them from my husband. I was a little nervous to have people over that I had never met so I spent hours cleaning my house, setting the table properly and making sure everything was in order. My husband kept telling me not to stress out so much. He said, i am sure they will not notice if your napkins and place settings are not perfect...he said "Trust me, they are really down to earth".
Their names are Shirley and Ed. They met about 15 years ago while working together at the Denver Post. The first time Ed came out to Colorado was in the mid 80's. He said he came out to work a temporary construction job with several friends. He came out on a Greyhound bus he said with 16 teeth in his mouth and $1.85 in cash.
At that time, he was a drug addict and alcoholic.
He was very open about his life and his experiences. Down to earth would put it mildly. He still has a very thick New York accent, like my husband, he grew up in Queens, New York in the 70's. He told us that he has been clean and sober now for 27 years.
He chatted about his life, the fact that he spent months at a time living in the streets (homeless), a stint in jail, died twice (one due to a seizure from drug withdrawal), and then a final stint in rehab. By looking at him, you would never guess that he had gone through so much during his life. Aside from some weariness in his eyes and deep wrinkles in his forehead, he looked healthy and content. He laughed and smiled about his experiences. He seemed happy to be alive, amazed actually, considering all he has gone through.
In other words, he was grateful.
He and Shirley live in a small bungalow in Englewood. Not a wealthy area to say the least. My husband says that their lawn looks like a small golf course and the house, while small, is immaculate. After working for the Denver post for the past 20 years, he took an early retirement 2 years ago as the paper is slowly being phased out by technology. Who reads the Denver Post anymore? You can get your news for free just by googling it.
By outward appearances he does not have much money. He talked about buying his first new living room furniture and how he hoped to have it delivered in time for Christmas. He kept looking at our house and commenting on how nice our home was. Every time he made a comment about my home I would take a moment and complete a quick inventory. I did not see it, all I saw were the defects, the old funky couch, the too small table, the cabinets in the kitchen that were starting to show their age.
He chatted about the times he worked as a roadie for a band, traveling up and down the East Coast during his teens and early 20's. He talked about growing up in Queens, old friends and the crazy things both he and my husband did when they were younger.
He talked about how he and Shirley met and places they have been together. He chatted about hiking up the Great Sand Dunes, camping, and getting lost on a hike. They looked at each other and laughed about getting lost on a road trip in Sante Fe and how because they got lost they found this amazing place that sold old cemetery fences. He said, that the best road trips were the ones you did not plan, the ones where you got lost and ended up falling upon something remarkable.
He talked about wanting to see the Grand Canyon and how much he loved Colorado. He talked about staying at his Uncle's ranch on another visit to Colorado and how his uncle helped to save his life because he let him stay there when he had no place or no one to go to.
The more he talked the more I realized that Ed did not focus on the big things, things we all think we need or want. His focus was on the moment, the fact that he was alive, clean and sober. On how much he enjoyed the meal we served him, how good the crumb cake was, how good the coffee was, how nice our son was, how nice our yard was.
After the meal, he drank his coffee black (two cups), and thanked us profusely for a wonderful day and a wonderful meal.
When they both left it got me thinking. What was I whining about? Why did I take so much for granted? I looked around my house again and saw things differently. I realized that while my husband and I are not rich, we have a very rich life.
Maybe my cabinets were not so bad after all...
It also made me realize that although things do not always go according to plan that maybe that is how it is supposed to be, that is the point. I know that things have not always been easy for my husband and myself, we have had our own share of ups and downs but listening to Ed, made me rethink things.
Have you ever taken a road trip with someone, got lost, and that person started to panic and freak out? I have, and believe me, is not pleasant. You start to feed off the other person, your heart races, your stomach ties up in a knots, you have visions of crazy zombies attacking your car in the dead of night.
But then you take a deep breath. What is the worst thing that can happen? If it is dark out, you will eventually realize that there are no zombies in sight and you might pull over into a not so great hotel, pass out on a funky mattress, and regroup in the morning over the soggy donuts that are supposed to constitute the "Free Continental Breakfast".
The next morning, your head will begin to clear after a second cup of some very bad hotel coffee. You notice the sun is shining, there are no zombies and it is a new day, complete with new possibilites. You pay for the room, and grab a dusty map from the front desk clerk. Maybe you look at the map and see that the Giant Colossal Ball of Twine is about a mile down the road, an amazing landmark that would have been passed over had you never gotten lost in the first place.
It reminds me of the time, about 18 years ago, when my husband and decided to take a road trip.
We had no plans, no money, and just knew we wanted to head towards someplace in California. So we packed up our very small dented Honda Accord and drove West. We got lost several times but ended up in some remarkable places. We spent a few days sunning at Malibu Beach, gazing up at the trees in the Redwood Forest, stopping for a huge black bear in Yellowstone, playing slots in Vegas, wandering around the seaport in Seattle, walking across the stars in Hollywood, and burning up our clutch going up and down hills in San Francisco. Even after all these years we talk about it like it was yesterday and wonder why we never took another road trip like that one.
Maybe we need to...
Listening to Ed, made me think about all those wrong turns or mistakes you can sometimes make in life. I realize that some are pretty lousy but ultimately each wrong turn can take you to an unexpected place. They make your life interesting, meaningful, and can change you forever. You are not the same person afterwards, they cause you to have faith, gratitude, insight, appreciation or whatever else you want to call it.
So today I have decided to be grateful for my life, for meeting Ed and Shirley and having a chance to experience two amazing, and interesting people, to share a meal, and have good conversation. Today I will make a choice, I will focus on being alive, being healthy, and having a wonderful family and home.
Today I refuse to focus on the fact that there is no more half and half in the fridge for my morning coffee.
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Maybe like Ed, I will drink two cups black, soak in the sun in the morning, and head out for an amazing run with my goofy dog. Maybe if I get lost I will find that Colossal Ball of Twine I have been dying to see...
