Stepmonster?

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. We have a six year old son together and 3 children from a previous marriage. His kids are all grown, 35, 34 and 29 respectively.

After our most recent family trip back east I came to another realization about my stepdaugher of 20 years. She does not like me very much. My husband thinks i am over reacting, he does not hear the little digs or comments that I hear when i am around her. She pretty much treats me like I do not exist. How do i see this? Well after trolling thru over 100 pictures that she posted on facebook from the vacation, guess what? I was not in one of them. It made me sad and angry all at once. I think to myself, after all i do for her, this is what i get!

So with nobody to really vent to i find a few online blogs and vent my rage out. I basically tell everyone what a horrible person she is, entitled, ungrateful, mean. After i write it all out i do actually feel better but then i also realize that is not where i really want to go. All the responses back are encouraging and venting about thier own horrible situations and stepkids. I notice something profound, nobody says what they did to play a part in thier own relationship issues with thier stepkids.... myself included.

I look back over the years at the relationship with my husband and the kids and realize that while maybe she is not the nicest person somedays, that i am equally responsible for the type of relationship that i have created with her.

For the most part if you would ask her who i am she probably would not even give me the esteemed title of "stepmom" I would be "My dad's wife" which is kind of sad but pretty much what I am. I have not really made much effort to go beyond that title. I guess there were times she could have gone above and beyond as well but such is life. She has alot of stuff going on and on the scheme of things I am not super important to her. I realize this now.

It is not a bad thing i guess, it is what it is. It does make me sad but also i guess when i stopped venting my rage and got into her shoes i could kind of see where she is coming from. We live out of state and are not there all the time, physically or psychologically. We probably could have done a better job of connecting. I could have done a better job of connecting. I guess what i am trying to say, Facebook just isn't enough.

I am not saying that she is perfect either, it never ceases to amaze me what she does or says that does not irritate me to death. The way she thinks about things, the life according to her mentality, the comments, digs, and dismissive way she treats me. But then maybe she does not "get me" either? When i go back to visit i feel very disconnected, almost like you can paint me green and put a set of antennae on my head. Maybe it is just me but i cannot relate.

I stopped posting on the boards and figured starting a blog and trying to make the most of my relationship with her was the best i could do. Letting go of things, moving on, acceptance and making the best of my life is my best plan of attack for now. Maybe i will actually break down and call her once in a while. It could not hurt.