Life with dogs

"Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love until he's owned a dog. He can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes."

Anonymous

My dog has been sick for awhile. After several vet trips, antibiotics and a an xray i was finally given a definitive diagnosis last week. He has a tumor in his nasal cavity. More than likely it is malignant and more than likely he has a very short time to live.


I spent a few moments at the vet that day digesting the news. I looked at my dog, wagging his tail and completely oblivious to what was going on around him. I questioned the vet and the diagnosis, came up with reasons why i thought he was wrong. The vet just looked at me and shook his head. Then i broke down and cried. I was not sure i could take this kind of news, i had already lost a dog to cancer, now Elvis.

The next step was a biopsy and MRI and then radiation treatment depending on the type of cancer he has.

We got Elvis 4 years ago from the Denver Dumb Friends League. He was almost 2 and we knew nothing about him save for the fact that he came from an over crowded shelter in New Mexico. I got him primarily for my son, who was 3 at the time. A dog to grow up with, like i had always had. But go figure, after about a month or so, Elvis was completely disinterested in Aaron, he bonded immediately to me.

I was his human.

I never thought about a cocker spaniel as a breed for me. My last two dogs were very large, one a 90 pound golden and the other a smaller st Bernard mix. They died about a year apart from each other, Brutus, the golden was 10 and had cancer, Bernie was also 10 and got a very bad infection that ended up as septicemia in his intestinal track. It took me almost 2 years to even think about getting another dog. Loosing both was devastating. Then after searching online i saw Elvis's picture one day on the Denver Dumb Friends League site. A smaller dog with huge brown eyes and I knew, that he was my dog. I took off work early and went straight there to get him.

He is the sweetest dog you can imagine, not a mean bone in his body. He always is wagging his tail and happy to see me. He waits by the window every day for my car to pull up. He has become the perfect running partner for me and best of all, i am his world.

When i got the diagnosis from the vet, i went home and had to come up with a decision. Either take him back on Friday for surgery or forgo treatment and let him live his life, happy, with his tail wagging and oblivious.

Then eventually let him go on his own.

After 2 days i decided, i called the vet and said i was going to let him be. The thought of putting my friend through radiation, pain and suffering, more than what he would go through anyway, just so that i could have him around for a few additional months, maybe a year, felt horribly wrong to me. It felt selfish. The decision to not treat him, nonetheless makes me feel wracked with guilt.

Was i doing the right thing?

Like every life altering decision, i am constantly questioning myself. I think with Elvis, with whatever happens now, i will always feel a bit of doubt in this decision. But i guess, this is life. Not every decision is cut and dry, some are not easy, and some will be wrong. This felt right for me and for Elvis. I wanted to remember him happy, not sick and bald from radiation.

So now it has been a week since his diagnosis. Every day he looks at me, his tail wags and there is a gleam in his eyes. He is happy to be around me and happy to be alive. I am happy to have him with me for another day.

Tonight i decided to take him for a short run. He pulled me along with his tongue out and his tail wagging.

When i looked at him, i thought to myself, if i ever had to have his diagnosis, i wish i could be a dog. What makes a dog such a wonderful animal, they give so much, expect so little, and only live to be happy and make you happy. So simple.